This blog post has been a long time coming. I’ve been breastfeeding for the past 17 months. Exclusively before we introduced solids, and pumping after I went back to work 3 months after my little one was born. As everyone says, breastfeeding is hard. Man is it hard. Yes, it’s physically hard – hello large, achy, leaky boobs! – but it’s the emotional/mental aspect of breastfeeding that’s the hardest to bear. I could go on a long tangent about this but I digress, that’s not what this post is about.

3 months after my little one’s birth, I went back to work. My fourth trimester was a fog of finding myself in a professional setting, dealing with the guilt that comes with leaving your tiny helpless infant with a stranger and trusting they will love and care them. Luckily (unluckily, depends on how you look at it!), the nature of my job is mostly online which means I’m able to work from home most of the time. In the first few weeks after I went back to work, I worked exclusively from home. I was able to assuage my guilt by being close to my little one and was able to check on her on whenever I wanted.

A few weeks later, I started going into the office a few times a week. This opened up a whole slew of not-so-pleasant pumping experiences. You see, I chose to pump while I was away from my little one. The vast majority of that time was while I was working and she was being looked after by someone else. I logged a pump, a small freezer bag, several milk bottles, cleaning wipes and lots of other bits and pieces every time I went into the office….yeah, it was a lot!

Over this 9 month period, I made quite a few mistakes and learned a lot about myself. I’m hoping this post helps you on your nursing journey or helps you understand and support that nursing mom you know as she navigates the topsy turvy world of breastfeeding and working.

1. Don’t apologize for being a nursing mom

I’ll be honest and state I didn’t learn this soon enough. This is entirely my fault. I went back to work and unconsciously prioritized my professional responsibilities over the fact I needed to pump at a set time every day. On busy days, instead of pushing back or blocking out my calendar at those crucial times, I postponed my pumping times. This didn’t help my milk supply and made me feel like I was letting my little one down. I’m ashamed to say I did this for a long time. I would be in meetings and instead of making it clear to the organizer that I needed to step away, I would sit there. Instead of making my excuses and politely walking out or hanging up, I would sit there as the meeting overran and precious minutes ticked away.

But I learned better and did better. As soon as I started blocking out my calendar at those crucial times, declining or proposing new times for meetings and/or letting meeting organizers know that I needed to step away during meetings that occurred in my pumping window, my colleagues adjusted accordingly. Folks remembered and understood what was asked….men tended to get flustered and not let me finish my sentence before acquiescing lol

2. You have to speak up. You have to. You have to

Another mistake I made. I’m ashamed to say I brushed this under rug way too many times. Saying to myself;

“I only have to deal with this for a few months”

“They’re so lovely here. I’m sure they don’t mean to be unaccommodating”

“I don’t want to cause a fuss”

“I work from home most of the time. Is it worth causing a fuss when I’m not here most of the week?”

Big mistake. My friends and family, especially my husband and Dee of dee.diary, questioned this logic and adviced me to speak up but in my sleep-deprived, people-pleasing state, I didn’t. Until one fine day when I was reduced to tears and almost went home in order to pump.

Yes, I know it’s illegal to not have a private space for a nursing mom to pump at work. I know, I know. I was told this on numerous occasions by scandalized friends and family. There were spaces I could use in our shiny lovely high-tech NYC office, but I wasn’t prioritized and big shocker, the only space with a lock I could use was the server room…yes, the room for our big noisy servers.

Every morning I would arrive and request a meeting room for my pumping sessions. On many occasions, rooms weren’t available and I had to cut my pumping time short or in an act of desperation, sit in the cold server room. On one particularly mortifying occasion, a colleague who obviously can’t read (a sign on the door) walked in on me….yeah….needless to say, he was way more embarrassed than I was and couldn’t make eye contact with me for weeks.

The final straw was one fine day when I couldn’t find a space and eventually found a meeting room to use, only to IMed by an office admin asking when I would be done with the room because a senior executive was in town and needed the room…..I was furious. Furious at the situation and furious that I had let it get that bad.

I’m embarrassed to say, I packed up all my gear and trying hard not to burst into tears, decided I was going to head home straight away. A colleague saw how upset I was and stopped me to find out what happened. After sharing my situation, he stepped in, kicked out colleagues from a nearby meeting room and made sure it was made available for me for the rest of the day.

Even though I appreciated his help, I furious at myself for not setting expectations from the very beginning. The fact that admin prioritized our executive’s needs over my nursing needs showed me that we had a big culture issue. I needed to address this issue and make sure the next nursing mom who stepped into our office never felt the way I felt that day. As I soon as I settled in the meeting room for my pumping session, I wrote a scathing email to HR detailing my entire experience, making it clear things had to change. And they did.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask

Once I made the decision not to apologize for choosing to pump at work, I understood it was also my place to ask. Folks don’t know any better and if you don’t ask or tell, they still won’t know any better.

Case in point, when my little one was 7 months old, I had to travel for work. 6 days of being away from her. As you can imagine, this brought on a whole host of anxieties. Mostly around the fact that I didn’t have a large enough stash of frozen breastmilk to feed her while I was away. I went into a hyperdrive of pumping, stressing and researching. That’s how I stumbled across Milk Stork. A fantastic breastmilk shipping service that provides you with coolers and free domestic/international shipping or a cooler and tote to carry your breastmilk to travel. I was excited and so so relieved! Their prices were affordable and I was all set to place an order on my own dime…until I remembered that I wasn’t leaving my infant by choice. My company was asking this of me. It made sense to ask that they cover the cost of this service…and I did. They approved and signed off this request immediately.

As the saying goes, if you don’t ask, you don’t get. Women are valuable assets in any workplace. Most companies understand and will/should agree to reasonable requests like this. If they don’t and they can clearly afford to do so, then you know how much you’re valued and can act accordingly.

4. People care

Though I’ve had hiccups in my 9 months of pumping in the workplace, it would have been much harder if folks hadn’t been supportive. My colleagues who always acquiesced to my scheduling needs. My boss who signed off on all my nursing mom requests. My HR contact who addressed my concerns promptly. The admin who apologized and made sure to prioritize my pumping schedule. Friends and family who listened to my woes, supported and adviced me every step of the way. Know this. You are not alone. If you open up, people will step up and support you.

It’s been a topsy turvy ride to say the least. I stopped pumping earlier this year and man, was I glad to put my pumping gear away. This experience taught me so much about myself and our society in general. I’m hoping that if you’re reading this and are on this pumping journey as a working mom, this will help you speak up, power on and realize that you’re not alone. You’ve chosen to go down this path and have every right to do so. You should never apologize or be made to feel like a nuisance for choosing to pump while you’re away from your child working to fulfil your dreams, put food on the table or build a lasting career. Never.