“What’s she doing on Instagram? Doesn’t she realize she’s someone’s mother?”

A friend said those words to me. Or rather she relayed those words. Words she had heard someone else say about me….

As you would expect it hurt to hear…..it hurt a lot. This person didn’t know me personally yet it hurt. I imagined friends and family felt exactly the same, that everyone that ever came across my page, felt the same way. I carried the weight of that comment for months….but over time, those words lost power over me.

I’ve learned quite a bit about myself and how humans are wired, which has freed me from other people’s expectations of me.

If you’ve ever wanted to do something for yourself or you’ve started on a journey and someone’s ill-timed words have paralyzed you, I hope these words help. I really hope they do.

1. It’s not about you

Humans are inherently self-absorbed. When we react to most things, we tend to personalize the experience to our experiences. What we like. What we do. What we know. Take this lady who made this comment about me. She had never met me. Didn’t know me but projected her view of motherhood on me. A mother doesn’t wear colorful clothes and prance around New York taking pictures. It had nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with how she expects ‘a mother’ to behave. When I understood that, my anger fell away. She had heaped her expectations on me and I refused to take it on. I know I’m a great mother and I know I love my child with all my being. My hope is to set an example that motherhood presents itself in so many beautiful ways, and we don’t cease to have hopes and dreams when we become mothers.

2. But why did it hurt so much?

I asked myself this question months it happened. After a lot of self-reflection, I realized that it all boiled down to fear. A burden I had been carrying before her comment made its way to me. I had decided to go after something I enjoyed and was passionate about but I was scared that my mothering would suffer as a result of it. I would invest time and energy into this passion to the detriment of my family. Then I realized this fear had been my companion way before I became a mother, it just showed up in completely different ways. The fear of not being enough – not smart enough, not good enough, not dynamic enough…and on and on and on. It was so much easier to do nothing than dive headfirst into what I wanted. When I decided to immerse myself into this journey, I had told myself I would feel the fear but do it anyway. And boy, am I glad I did. As cliche as it sounds ‘everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear’. It really is.

3. Again, it’s not about you

Nope, I’m not being repetitive because it really shouldn’t be about you. As I said, we humans are self-involved folks. We start on this journey focused on what we like, what we care about, what we want. Yes, that’s somewhat important but more important than that is who we’re trying to help. That’s the whole point of this journey. Whether you’re starting a cooking business, a knitting business, or a content creation business, the end goal remains the same – you’re helping xx cook simple quick meals, you’re helping xx make cosy sweaters, or like me, you’re trying to uplift others and remind them that we are inherently special as they are. I lose sight of this from time to time but every time I remind myself of this, I get back on course and become a lot more focused.

4. They are not your audience

This is something I had to learn in the latter part of 2019. Even your acquaintances aren’t your audience. Your friends and family love you and support the heck out of what you’re doing but are they who are you really trying to connect with? Probably not. That’s why you need to take their feedback with a pinch of salt. Don’t get me wrong, their opinions can be helpful but don’t base crucial decisions on what they ‘think’. At the end of the day, you know. You know what you’re trying to create, who you’re trying to connect with. That person probably isn’t your bestie, your husband or some random person on the internet judging you. Once you ‘get’ this, you free yourself.

5. Thick skin is needed

Yup, the more successful you become, the more critiques come your way. And we know everyone has an opinion. Thicker skin is needed to keep going on this journey. Like my dear friend Cynthia said on this post (check it out if you’ve never seen it), you pick your battles. A lot of stuff that comes your way, you have to deflect and keep moving. These people don’t know you and even those that do, still have their biases. You know who you are. Be self-aware. Reflect on your behavior. Don’t let other people’s opinions of you and what you’re doing stop you from doing what you want to do.

6. Your tribe is behind you

Your tribe exists and they are out there. It might be a much smaller tribe than you envisioned or it might not be too clear to you who they are right now and that’s ok. I can assure you, they are out there. You need to hone in on what you’re doing, go find them and connect with them. When you do, you’ll be blown away by their loyalty. They will champion you, they will inspire you and they will support you. Don’t lose sight of them because of an offhand comment made by someone who clearly doesn’t get or care about what you’re doing. You owe it to them not to.

I’ve held these lessons close to heart over the past 18 months and I’ve never felt more free!

If I have an idea, no matter how silly, basic or trite, I go for it!! Yes, there are folks out there making snide comments or rolling their eyes at my antics but I’m completely at peace with the fact their opinions won’t stop me from doing what I’m doing. Now, please hold on to that and go out there and DO you! You deserve it!!

*I’ll be sharing alot of my journey (mindset, pointers, resources etc.) that have helped me along this journey. Subscribe to my blog to be one of the first to get these gems straight into your inbox! I’ll work hard to make them as valuable as possible.*

P.S. The dress worn here is a rental from Nuuly. Use this link to get $10 off your first order.